Call on me for forgiveness of yourself and others, but especially yourself. Everyone is doing the best that they can with the knowledge and experience they have in this moment in time. There is no judgment by God or the Angels. We only have compassion and love for you.
Forgiveness is the cornerstone of healing and healing is a transformational process. The key is to release suffering and increase inner peace and understanding. Forgiveness is not forgetting. In fact, you have to acknowledge negative emotions before forgiveness can occur. Forgiveness is not pardoning, excusing or accepting unacceptable behavior. Forgiveness is the first step to freedom because the negative feelings that have kept you stuck lose their power over you. Forgiveness is an internal process that helps you to heal and grow.
Key Outcomes of Forgiveness
The effects of not forgiving another and not making amends for wrongs you have committed:
- Strips you of your power and robs you of your dignity.
- Keeps you trapped in anger, resentment and indignation.
- Makes you feel helpless, stuck and frustrated.
- Harms you physically, emotionally and spiritually.
- Stops you from enjoying relationships or recognizing your accomplishments.
On the other hand, the effects of forgiving someone who has hurt you and admitting when you’ve harmed another:
- Frees, heals, and releases you.
- Fills you with love and compassion.
- Empowers, encourages and elevates you.
- Brings you closer to God and the Angels.
- Refreshes, renews and returns you to your natural state of health.
How to forgive yourself
1. Name what you have done.
Before you can forgive yourself, you must get clear about what happened. Begin by writing down the details of the events and your own actions that contributed to the situation. Resist playing the blame game and focus only on yourself. You may experience intense vulnerability when you do this exercise. Honor this vulnerability by compassionately owning it instead of suppressing it.
2. Ask for forgiveness.
Asking for forgiveness is not easy. Your willingness to approach a person you have hurt means you’re admitting you have done wrong and are sorry for it. Avoid minimizing your responsibility and take full ownership for your actions.
3. Forgive yourself every time negative thoughts intrude.
Sometimes we struggle to forgive ourselves, even when we have been forgiven. If you continue to experience guilt and negative thoughts about your actions even after you have been forgiven, understand that self-forgiveness is not a one-time deal—it’s a gradual process. Every time negative thoughts surface, take a deep breath and exhale all the negativity you are feeling. You can also do some similar act of kindness toward yourself when negative thoughts emerge.
4. Show up and let yourself be seen.
When facing painful personal mistakes, the temptation to shut down and disengage is strong. The tendency is to sit on the sidelines and hide in shame. If you find yourself avoiding interactions for fear of judgment, know that you have gained much wisdom that can help your future relationships thrive if you have the strength to show up and try again.
5. Be grateful for your mistakes.
It might seem strange to express gratitude for our mistakes, especially the embarrassing and painful ones. But think back to a time when you exercised poor judgment or did something you regretted. How has the experience changed you? Did it make you wiser, stronger, or more discerning? Be thankful for the opportunity to grow in these ways. And if you can learn to see your mistakes in such a light—as opportunities to grow—you can be grateful for them too.
6. Love all of who you are.
Celebrate who you have become in spite of, or even because of, your past mistakes. Owning your mistakes and flaws helps you become a better person, so love all of who you are, including your past mistakes, and you’ll only grow stronger from them.
How to forgive others
1. Name the “offender.”
Think of the person who has wronged you, that person who you have not been able or willing to forgive thus far. Describe your relationship with the person who hurt you in your own terms.
2. Get clear on their actions against you.
Describe the experience or experiences in which this “offender” harmed you or treated you unjustly. Replay in your mind the situation when you were hurt. What can you learn from it about yourself? What does it mean to you?
3. How did the “offender’s” actions make you feel?
Describe the emotions you feel as you consider these events. Do you feel anger? Shame? Guilt? How much time do you spend thinking about or re-living what happened? Take as much time as you need to acknowledge your feelings and experiences and put them into words.
4. Did the “offender’s” actions shape who you are today?
How has being unable to forgive affected your health? Has it affected your ability to relate to others? Did it change your view of the world? How has being hurt in the past caused you to protect yourself? Does how you defend yourself limit you in any way?
5. What would be the benefits of forgiving?
How would your life be different if you are able to forgive the “offender’s” actions? How would it feel to release the emotions that this hurt has caused you? Can you express those emotions and then move through them, so that they will not longer cause you to waste energy on them?
6. Are you willing and ready to forgive?
What does it mean to be willing to make amends? Are you willing to face who and what needs your forgiveness? Sometimes just deciding to forgive is the most powerful step of all. Are you ready to begin the healing process?